I am WELL. I am HEALTH. I am STRONG.
I’ve never liked them, until now. You see, I’ve been doing a lot of inner work over the last four months. I had some intense family situations arise that challenged me in ways I didn’t want to be challenged. And yet I found myself able to rise to the occasion - a reality that I chalked up to "luck."
Then I had a good friend of mine reach out and give me the gift of seeing who I AM with the clarity of the ultimate source of love. Master Coach, Steve Bacon, made me an uncomfortable offer to challenge everything that I “knew” about myself and shift everything that went with that belief. I committed to the process with fear, trepidation, and HOPE.
Fear that I would fuck it all up and that it wouldn’t work, because “I’m me.”
Trepidation because he said to not “waste his time” and well, see fear above. I was “convinced” that I was going to waste his time because I didn’t think I would be able to do what he was asking me. I believed that I was too broken. A thought that would repeat over and over again as I completed my required pre-work by reading “Loving What is” by Byron Katie (again…) and “Mental and Emotional Release” by Dr. Matt James. I read both of them kicking and screaming (almost literally - I was often in full blown meltdown mode: crying and full of self doubt).
And then there was HOPE. I trust Steve Bacon with my entire soul. When I met him in the lobby of a hotel I just knew I knew him - we are kindreds with lives so different from one another that it should be laughable. And it’s not. He and I are one. He and I are love. He sees me - the REAL me with out the shit in the way. I knew deep down that if he believed I was capable, then I was.
So, one early December morning I got in my car, drove to the airport, and boarded a two hour flight to go and spend three days in the Bacon’s home. I was hours away from being a changed human and it took everything in my body to stay in each moment and not think to hard about what was coming.
I like to call what happened over those three days as “Positive Trauma” and if you know Steve then you know that is scary accurate. Steve does NOT hold back punches. He calls your shit out so clearly that it can not be ignored anymore. He challenges the fucked up thinking that keeps you stuck day after day, year after year, and does it all with a smile, laughter, and love.
What does this have to do with affimations though? I’m getting there.
I showed up on Steve and Kamene's doorstep a woman who believed, with every part of her essence, that she did NOT deserve to live. I wasn’t even aware of this belief until the end of day one! I thought I was power and love and wise and a warrior. Nope. I wasn’t worth the air I was breathing. A secret that I was hiding from myself because it was too raw and real.
I had spent the last 39 years pushing up against this belief, shoving it down (instead of challenging it) and covering it with “new beliefs” that I would say over and over to myself. That was how you did it right? You just kept saying over and over that “You are worthy” or “You are Happy” and my personal fav “You’ve got this.”
But I didn’t "got this" because my foundation of self was built on a belief that I wasn’t worthy of living. I built my house on a foundation of quicksand and wondered why nothing ever seemed to stick!
Steve lovingly and aggressively (metaphorically) shoved me into my quicksand and challenged why I had done that. Couldn’t I see it? Wasn’t I aware of all the LIES I had been telling myself?
It took me a few hours and then I saw it. It was clear as day, hidden under all those other thoughts and beliefs that would creep up when I was feeling low and unworthy: I don’t deserve to live.
I spent my WHOLE life punishing myself because I didn’t think I deserved anything else. I wouldn’t allow myself to be truly happy because “that wasn’t for me.” Joy was for “other people” - people that “DESERVED IT.”
And then I LAUGHED! I laughed because it was HILARIOUS to me. At the end of day one with Steve I was blown away that I could have EVER thought that. I was on the other side of that belief. That foundation was GONE. I was built new.
I DESERVE EVERYTHING. I AM everything.
Day two and three were about reprogramming and defragging my memories to instill them with this new understanding, the ULTIMATE BELIEF, that I am everything. I am the shit. I am worthy of all joy and happiness.
And lo and behold - I now understand affirmations and HOW they work. Affirmations breathe life into your soul and shift your molecular energy towards this goal. They REMIND you that everything is right there for the taking, you just have to visualize it.
Yes, this might should “woo woo” AND it is based in quantum physics.
So today, while I sit with my tissues, cough drops, and antibiotics I am reminding myself:
I am well.
I am health.
I am strong.
And I feel that. Like I actually - literally - feel the shift in my body.
I woke this morning feeling as though I will be sick for the rest of my days. And now I know that I am well.
Not that I WILL be well but that I AM. Right now. It doesn’t feel like it and that is okay.
I am well. I am health. I am strong.
What reminder do you need today?
Books I’m reading:
- “A Happy Pocket Full of Money” by David Cameron Gikandi
- “Creator” by Steve Chandler
- “The Biology of Belief” by Bruce Lipton
Books I recommend:
- See all above
- “Mental and Emotional Release” by Dr Matt James
- “Ho’oponopono: Your Path To True Forgiveness” by Dr. Matt James
- “Autobiography of a Yogi” by Paramhansa Yogananda